The Trip to Mars — Why it’s unnecessary

Last week, I wrote this article about my opinion and that of Nigerians I know about the Mars Trip by SpaceX. While I still believe it’s an awesome opportunity for humanity, in the true spirit of science, I have decided to take an unbiased approach and analyse it critically armed with nothing but mind-energy crystals and pure hard facts.

We will be considering five (5) reasons the Mars Trip should not be a priority for Earth right now.

Apocalypse

We have 1000 Nuclear Warheads (or more). To where do we run when we destroy ourselves? Our lack of an alternative gives us peace, for now.

It is apparent that no one wants another world war (Trump and Kim are not considered). It’s been almost seventy years since the end of the last global conflict, and things are beginning to look good. Economic cooperation treaties, global trade and the internet have come a long way into making the world a global community and that’s a good thing.

However, one of the major reasons we have not witnessed a global armageddon-level conflict is that with Nuclear Weapons now in the picture, Man can finally destroy himself by completing destroying his own planet.

You think it’s impossible?

Okay, so 100 of Hiroshima’s bombs could destroy our planet. To be fair, I think Los Alamos’ scientists made a mistake there because this site clearly says that the USA once detonated a bomb that was 1000 times stronger than Hiroshima’s.

If you can’t visit that link, I’ll explain.

The Hiroshima bomb was 15 Kilotons (15000 tonnes of TNT), and was code named “Little Boy”.

The Castle Bravo Bomb was 15,000 Kilotons (15,000,000 tonnes of TNT).

To be fair to the USA, they do not hold the World’s Biggest Exploded Nuclear Bomb record. That prestigious honor goes to Cold-War Era Russia, with their test of the aptly named Tsar Bomba. 50,000 Kilotons or 50 Megatons (50,000,000) which was so big, it endangered the very Airplane that dropped it. Also, it was so big, it could be seen from 1000 Kilometers away. Also it was so big … Sigh, just read about it.

So we have all these crazy (and getting stronger) weapons out there being stockpiled and researched. Why are we doing this?

Well, since the end of the World War, the world has been in a kind of Mexican Standoff state.

If this is the case, why aren’t we in a war, yet? That’s because no one wants to be responsible for Armageddon. I mean, take a look at Hitler. He hasn’t recovered yet, and he only … okay, I probably shouldn’t go down that lane

How does this affect the Mars Trip?

Well, Mars creates an Escape in the event of an Apocalypse. The absence of an escape is probably the only reason we haven’t gone out SkyNet-Style.

What comes next?

We’d probably get ass-whooped by Aliens.

I mentioned in my previous article that the Mars trip might just be the next step in the Universe’s Evolutionary Chain that would make us eligible for contact by the Intergalactic equivalent of the United Nations. Let’s call it the Federation of Intergalactic Planets (F.I.G.P) because Justice League is trademarked.

So, we are on Mars, we are now one of the species that have made it out of their planet and its moon(s). The other species who are further advanced come to congratulate us bearing “gifts” and we welcome them with arms wide open and go on to co-exist in a scientifically-advanced universe.

Right?

If you said yes, you haven’t been paying attention to Human History and all Alien-Invasion themed Hollywood movies since ET.

Humans are famous for responding to any threat to their supremacy with guns a-blazing.

Normally, this is a fine trait and has helped us survive against stuff that would have wiped us out in the past. But remember that the good folks in the F.I.G.P got there first by having superior technology that could probably make our most sophisticated weapons look like pitchforks.

Change in Everything

The Mars Trip changes the way we understand space, time, beauty contests, sports, everything.

As a Nigerian, I have come to fear the word “Change”. This is partly because …

and also …

Change is scary because it is potentially good and bad. You can hardly tell the nature of change till it takes place.

The trip to Mars will change the way we see time. On Mars, a solar day lasts 24 hours, 39 minutes, and 35 seconds, which is approximately 40 minutes longer than usual. How do you tell a Martian, I’ll call you by this time tomorrow? Or say, give the time of Saturday’s game? You say GMT? GMT would not work on Mars. It’s almost exclusive to earth.

How about the Kids in school who already have difficulties wrapping their heads around the concept of the International Date Line. Try getting them to learn about Martian Time.

Also, with the Martian Trip, we can’t have this anymore:

What is World? It used to mean our Planet, but now it’ll be readjusted to mean our universe. With beautiful girls being on Mars, we’d have awards like Miss Earth, Miss Mars and Miss Sol.

Also, if we ever do discover alien life, who says they won’t have beautiful females?

So we’d end up having Miss Federation of Intergalactic Planets (F.I.G.P).

Think of the Children

Let’s face it, there will be kids conceived and born on Mars. These kids will be born with fundamental human rights on a planet that promises certain death. What rights do their parents have to deny these kids the comforts of Earth?

While Earth Kids have access to free oxygen, water not made from pee and potatoes not grown with their own poop, Martian kids on the other hand would never own a pet all their lives. Because such are luxury they cannot afford.

We are a species that is slowly coming to realize that the little runts who have our DNA have rights that should be respected.

What will Martian Parents do when their Kids finally get YouTube and see other Kids playing around in a Park?

Liabilities

As a planet, our total debt is $152 trillion

Every time I hear about how much debt the world is in, I ask myself, “Who do we owe?”

My country is currently undergoing an economic recession, which has the potential to take us to 1921.

We are not alone in this situation, though. Austria, Belgium, Russia and USA (to name a few) all show proof of economic recession.

It seems luxurious therefore, that with the state of world affairs, we are devoting resources to an interplanetary trip.

What would we gain from this?

Does Mars have the cure to all Diseases?

Does Martian Soil contain Diamonds and Rubies?

Unless there’s some economic remedy for the spiral our Earth is going down, the Mars trip is unjustifiable.

Oh Wait! What if there’s an Asteroid Strike coming and the Mars Trip is the only way.

I really should register for this trip.