The trip to Mars — A Nigerian’s Opinion

When I first saw the news, it was while flipping through flipboard in a Danfo on my way to work in the morning. I was so excited, my fellow travelers began giving me weird looks.

I’ve always been a space nerd … I joined the bandwagon of kids who wanted to be Astronauts when they grew up. I read space books, saw relevant space movies like star wars and star trek, and undertook important space research like “Who would survive in a space battle between Superman and The Incredible Hulk?”.

While I have since realized the fragility of the knowledge of space I have acquired, its mysteries and sheer awesomeness continue to interest me. A trip to Mars? That’s a mind blower for anyone who loves space and wasn’t around when Man made the first Moon landing.

Am I really about to witness History being made?

Whatever you feel right now, I discovered it first

After the dust settled, I began to think more and talk with friends like Nimisoere and Isaac about the implications such a trip would have on anyone who makes it.

So, we have come up with 5 reasons such a trip should absolutely be taken. Feel free to leave your opinions in the comments section.

#1. Bragging Rights

When we finally meet the intergalactic equivalent of the United Nations, it’d change the way we see and understand the world. Perhaps, it’d even change the food chain as we know it.

We’d need some existing street cred to survive that first encounter, and honestly, having to explain why we have littered our exosphere with the remains of satellites isn’t going to score us any points.

The Entire Human Race: My Spot

Yep! With this trip, we will become an Inter-Planetary Species. Maybe that’s the requirement for first-contact by the Covenant.

#2. Martians

Even though we know it’s unlikely, Nerds all over the world are keeping fingers crossed for that tiny chance there might be life on Mars.

What would that life be like?

Would they be worth crossing space for?

Would they bow in reverence for their new masters?

Would their women be sexy?

These are important scientific questions we have asked and discussed among ourselves.

“Hi Gwendula, let’s have martian babies.”

#3. The Water Conundrum

Perhaps a bit too late, I recently discovered the answer to an important question.

Is there water on Mars?

According to NASA, “Hell Yea! Albeit a little salty” (not actual quotes).

By a little, we mean “So salty, we couldn’t let the Mars Rover touch it for fear of corrosion.”

So, yes, if you do get thirsty for some Martian Drink, you could be the first ever to get dehydrated by drinking from Ancient Martian Seas.

#4. Another long string of Firsts

The beginning of the Modern Era was filled with firsts. From the first Man to Fly to the first Man to start a World War.

It’s no longer news that very little has happened in Physics since Man split the Atom and discovered its treasures which included radiation gems and INFINITE blasting points.

Pictured: Not a Hadouken

The Martian Trip means Man finally has another opportunity to begin the race of FIRSTS.

• First Man to Step on Martian Soil.

• First Man to Somersault on Mars.

• Longest Breath-Hold without a Helmet in Martian Air

• First Man to Pee on Mars / out of a Spaceship Window

• First Buffet, First Skype Call

• Longest Martian Beard

• First to take a Dump on Martian Soil and plant a Flag right next to it saying: “I claim this land in the name of the King!”

• (Replace “Man” with “Woman” everywhere above)

As the mad scramble begins for Humanity’s next season in the race of FIRSTS, we Earthlings can only watch, admire, tweet and blog about the achievements of our brave ambassadors in the New World.

#5. The Reality TV Spark

Okay, think about this. The trip to Mars takes Seven Months. Fifty Passengers on a Spaceship trapped in a Box. After playing Chess, Monopoly, solving the Rubik’s Cube and discussing Two-Weeks-Old “Latest” News on President Donald Trump, they’ll soon stare boredom in the face.

“Any pairing of people of the opposite sex in enclosed spaces would sooner or later lead to sex” — Mykeels

Enter Reality TV / YouTube / Netflix / Podcast

Find a way to stream the trip to the Millions of Earth Viewers, and this might just be the way to make Reality TV attractive to even Nerds (Kardashians who?), at least till Game of Thrones comes back on.