The letter K is the worst

Living with a stutter as a productive member of society

I stutter sometimes, and like a lot of people who suffer this affliction, I try to hide it because it can get in the way of any activity that requires me to speak.

However, because this description covers quite a good chunk of my daily activities, I have adopted quite a few strategies for mitigating this problem.

I’ll be sharing these with you later on in this article, but first, let me explain the motivation behind this piece.

I have been considering writing this for a while and hadn’t just found the words to begin.

However, when I got feedback recently from my partner and it hit me dearly because it seemed to be something I couldn’t fix easily, I knew it was time to put down my thoughts.

You see, I am a software developer. I help businesses find and create solutions to their problems using technology.

This means I have to be able to understand my partners when they talk about their business and technical needs, as well as clearly communicate my thoughts and ideas.

So, when I got feedback about being difficult to understand sometimes, it made me seriously think about finding a permanent solution, about how far I’d come regardless, and others who would benefit from what I know.

Hence, this article.

I mentioned how I’d come up with various strategies over time to help manage the issue, and here they are …

8. Not speaking at all

Hey!

If you don’t speak, you can’t stutter right?

Bingo!

But now, people just think you’re weird.

This was perhaps, my earliest strategy for dealing with the issue, and I soon learned it wasn’t scalable … You see, I like talking.

I enjoy talking, so it’s hard to keep quiet for long.

So, you find friends who don’t mind you not speaking much, and that’s when you realise that …

7. Speaking gets much easier when you’re with friends

When you’re with close friends, you’re more relaxed and you become a chatterbox.

You’ll join an argument and drop a few dope points here and there without breaking a single word and it’s a dope feeling.

So, now you’re an introvert with only a few friends rather than that weirdo who doesn’t speak.

Well done!

Well, you still have to communicate with the rest of the world, and how are you going to do that without embarrassing yourself every time you speak, eh?

6. You become excellent at writing

What? 😒

You thought I just liked writing articles? 😐

No, you smooth-talker! 😩

I write because these are the things I can’t say 😭. And now you feel guilty and will go on to read every one of my other articles. Ha ha!

Even though that was a joke (whispers it wasn’t), I began to focus on writing because it was the most efficient means of communicating my thoughts and ideas without distracting my audience.

Writing means you get to pick words carefully and plan your delivery which is something you don’t have the luxury of when speaking because your brain is too busy …

5. Substituting words on the fly

People who stutter come to realise that they get hung up frequently on specific sounds.

For example, for me right now, it’s specific consonants like the letters** “K”**, “T” and “ST” when they begin words.

So, your brain learns to recognise when you are about to use such a word in a sentence and races to find a replacement word that does not have such drawbacks before you reach the original word.

Sometimes, it works fine, but when it doesn’t, you find yourself saying things that don’t make much sense.

For instance, instead of saying

I went on a trip in a train

Because you’re trying to avoid words beginning with the “T” sound, you could find yourself saying something like

I went on a journey in a … long vehicle … that moved on … special … paths

Oh, did I mention words beginning with “P” could be hard too?

Now, you’ve just ended up making no sense.

Since you know what could happen when you speak, you begin planning your words before you say them and here’s what happens …

4. You become something of a wise sage

Now, it’s very possible that it’s just me who thinks this of myself and this section of the article is entirely written by my ego.

If you’re of the same opinion, screw you! I’m a wise ol’ bat!

More seriously though, you learn to anticipate when you’d be required to speak and choose your words carefully in your head so you don’t mess up.

This skill really comes in handy during interviews and meetings. You have to be paying enough attention to not be surprised when you are required to speak, because being surprised sucks.

You also have to be careful to not plan in your head too much, so as not to create anxiety, because that can also make managing a stutter difficult.

Soon, you learn it’s usually best to just …

3. Relax!

Seriously, chill!

People advise that you take a deep breath, but they’re probably just ignorant. I tried it many times, and in a really bad stutter situation, you could find that you have expelled all your air from your mouth and not made a single sound, so scratch that.

Remember the example of stuttering being almost non-existent when you’re with friends? Almost!

It’s because you’re usually in a relaxed state of mind at such times. Fewer worries and stuff, so it’s easier to manage.

If you applied this to more aspects of your life, you could find you become more easy-going and laid back even in high tension situations, and be better for it.

Also, when relaxed, you’ll find it easier to …

2. Speak meticulously (not necessarily slowly)

This can be tricky because you want to be done with speaking as soon as possible, so you tend to rush it. It takes conscious effort, so you have to constantly remind yourself to slow down.

If you think there’s danger of stuttering, pick your words before you speak to convey your ideas in as short and precise a manner without offending anyone, as possible.

If you can’t make it short, ask for time to send it in writing.

You may be worried that people will find your speech slow and uninteresting, but hey …

1. You’re different and that’s okay

This is the probably toughest part cos it’s emosh and stuff!

Knowing that you may never be as smooth a talker as the, well, smooth-talkers can be difficult.

People who stutter may find it difficult to butt into group conversations.

Or to engage in vocal banter.

Or to participate in a vocal debate (how I managed the ones in secondary school, I don’t know).

Or to even pronounce their own affliction because “stutter” begins with “ST” 😩.

But that’s okay.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and they’re what makes us human.